In my business owners group this week, this trip took on a new meaning. "You mean you are really closing up shop and just taking off for a month? So you actually mean all this stuff about setting boundaries and creating life balance?" We've been talking about productivity, time and energy management, and running a values-based business for quite some time. We've discussed books like the "E-Myth" and "The Four Hour Work Week. But I'm not sure one business owner in the group actually believed it could be done.
One participant told me that if I could actually do this it would give me ten times more credibility in terms of having practiced what I preach. So, now this is a business trip of sorts as well, as I conduct the personal experiment of whether a small business like mine can thrive and still go dark for a month every year.
Of course it's easier said than done. I had to turn away business in July that I would have loved to take on. Although I've handled most of the major things on my to do list, there are still some things that simply didn't get done. They will have to wait, and I may lose opportunities as a result. Although I've decreased my client base, I still have long term clients that I would like to support while I'm gone if they need me. And, I have to trust that when I return in September, I will be able to make up for lost time. Being gone for one month actually cuts into three months of revenue.
In order to get to the point where I was willing to risk something like this, the main thing I had to build was personal confidence, trust in myself, and a longer term perspective. In the long run, once this month is over and I've gotten back on track, my absense in August wont mean much to other people. But to me, in the long run, this will mean a lot. Yes, there will be inevitable missed opportunities and losses. But overall, is it worth it? Absolutely.
So the e-mail auto-responders are turned on and the vacation voice mail is activated, and I am now immersed in packing, taking care of last minute errands, and worrying about what I'll miss. Luckily I realize that in this day and age, almost everything I miss can be fixed in some way. It's probably a good thing that I only have a few hours after my training to pack tomorrow evening - less time to stress!
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
First Aid and Forgiveness
So the first big "life insights" are already hitting and we haven't even left town. My daughter Kaelyn showed me her perfect dive into the deep end of the pool. Except that the deep end was only five feet and she smashed her face on the bottom. Long story short she was ok, but I had this pit of excruciating shame in my stomach for a good solid eight hours. As a former swimmer and lifeguard, what was I thinking?
Well, I know what I was thinking. I had been treading water and not touching the bottom, so I was thinking "deep end" and "little girl". But that didn't make me feel much better about my gross lack of judgment in allowing her to do this. And it made me wonder how sane it is for me to take the kids on a big adventure like this if I can't trust myself to make good decisions and keep them safe? I began to dream up all these other awful possible scenarios of them getting lost or hurt or worse and would just shudder. My superstitions began to take over as I reminded myself that this is the second time she's gotten hurt this week when I was the only parent with her. I started thinking about bad luck in threes and continued down this path of escalating worry.
The guilt of a parent can be really awful. Usually I don't blame myself when the children hurt themselves. But this time I took it on completely. At some point during the ordeal of asking her questions, forcing her to keep ice on her head, taking her to a doctor to check for concussion and a broken nose (safe on both ends), and then letting her sleep with me anyway, just to make sure she was OK, I realized I was going a little overboard in beating myself up. A voice inside me reminded me that it is quite arrogant to go through life expecting yourself to be perfect and not make mistakes. Even big mistakes that cause children to get hurt.
Eventually, I was able to forgive myself, but I learned a few things and made some decisions:
1. There will be a discussion with the kids about following the safety rules, with no negotiation, and mom gets to be as neurotic as she wants about them.
2. There will be a good first aid kit, along with a first aid handbook, in the car as we travel.
3. I now have a much deeper level of compassion for the parents of this world. It's a harder job than anything else you could do, and no matter how hard you work at it, you can never get it perfect.
But the biggest gem of the day for me is about self-forgiveness. I'm learning that a big part of inner peace is the willingness to face your imperfections, and not just the token ones. It's looking at where in your life you made a negative impact, owning it, and then somehow finding a way to feel good about yourself anyway. I don't think that part is easy. It's much easier to get defensive and look for a way out, or beat yourself up and refuse to forgive yourself. I think being able to hold yourself as a good person while still taking ownership of where you've messed up is pretty powerful.
I don't think I'm quite there yet, but I did have a moment when I noticed my daughter basking in the attention and asking to hold my hand as she went to sleep that night. She loved that I was there taking care of her. And from the child who usually blames me for everything that goes wrong in her life, for those hours I got nothing but fearful questions, hugs and gratitude. So I guess if you look at it from that perspective, I am a good mom, and I do keep them safe.
Well, I know what I was thinking. I had been treading water and not touching the bottom, so I was thinking "deep end" and "little girl". But that didn't make me feel much better about my gross lack of judgment in allowing her to do this. And it made me wonder how sane it is for me to take the kids on a big adventure like this if I can't trust myself to make good decisions and keep them safe? I began to dream up all these other awful possible scenarios of them getting lost or hurt or worse and would just shudder. My superstitions began to take over as I reminded myself that this is the second time she's gotten hurt this week when I was the only parent with her. I started thinking about bad luck in threes and continued down this path of escalating worry.
The guilt of a parent can be really awful. Usually I don't blame myself when the children hurt themselves. But this time I took it on completely. At some point during the ordeal of asking her questions, forcing her to keep ice on her head, taking her to a doctor to check for concussion and a broken nose (safe on both ends), and then letting her sleep with me anyway, just to make sure she was OK, I realized I was going a little overboard in beating myself up. A voice inside me reminded me that it is quite arrogant to go through life expecting yourself to be perfect and not make mistakes. Even big mistakes that cause children to get hurt.
Eventually, I was able to forgive myself, but I learned a few things and made some decisions:
1. There will be a discussion with the kids about following the safety rules, with no negotiation, and mom gets to be as neurotic as she wants about them.
2. There will be a good first aid kit, along with a first aid handbook, in the car as we travel.
3. I now have a much deeper level of compassion for the parents of this world. It's a harder job than anything else you could do, and no matter how hard you work at it, you can never get it perfect.
But the biggest gem of the day for me is about self-forgiveness. I'm learning that a big part of inner peace is the willingness to face your imperfections, and not just the token ones. It's looking at where in your life you made a negative impact, owning it, and then somehow finding a way to feel good about yourself anyway. I don't think that part is easy. It's much easier to get defensive and look for a way out, or beat yourself up and refuse to forgive yourself. I think being able to hold yourself as a good person while still taking ownership of where you've messed up is pretty powerful.
I don't think I'm quite there yet, but I did have a moment when I noticed my daughter basking in the attention and asking to hold my hand as she went to sleep that night. She loved that I was there taking care of her. And from the child who usually blames me for everything that goes wrong in her life, for those hours I got nothing but fearful questions, hugs and gratitude. So I guess if you look at it from that perspective, I am a good mom, and I do keep them safe.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Preparing for the 2008 USA Roadtrip
I don't know when I first got the idea that I wanted to take a month (or two) and drive around the United States, taking my time, stopping here and there, and really enjoying the experience of learning about the country we live in. I've been pitching the idea on and off to Mark for several years, but a "driving vacation" from his "driving job" (he drives for UPS) doesn't appeal to him, and I can understand why.
But then, he got challenged by my sister to do a half-Iron Man with her in New Hampshire this August. There's a whole story behind that, which I wont go into, but the kids want to be there, and the rest of the family - mostly in Michigan or on the east coast - wants us to stop in and visit. After looking at airfare for the family on a multi-stop trip and working in rental cars and hotels, I decided perhaps I would "just drive". If you do the math, you'll probably figure out that I'm not actually saving any money at all by driving, but this is where dreams and drain come in. The idea of spending about $5000 to go on a multi-city plane trip drains me. The idea of spending about $5000 to adventure accross the USA for a month excites me - it's doing something I've always dreamed of!
Mark only gets the middle two weeks of August off, so he'll spend part of our time with us, but for a lot of it it's just me and the kids. Common sense says I'm going to follow my bliss right into a stressful drama of being alone on the road with two litle kids, and the other part of me (we'll call it intuition as long as this story has a happy ending) says, "it's time".
I've never shut my business down for a whole month, but all my clients have been so supportive, and many asked me to blog about the experience. At first I thought, why in the world would anyone want to read it, but now I'm thinking, why not? Most of you have probably guessed that this is more than a driving trip for me - it's kind of a spiritual journey. I've been watching those webinars with Oprah and Eckart Tolle and it's so darn hard to get still that I thought maybe in the middle of Lake Mead or on a prairie in Nebraska I'd be likelier to tune into some deep insights.
With this in mind, here is what I THINK this trip is about:
1. Getting out of my head and into some real life experiences.
2. Getting more connected with my kids
3. Making learning fun - for them and for me
4. Seeing if it's really possible to have a business that "goes dark" each year in August
5. Perhaps discovering some new deep insights about life that are worth sharing
If wireless is everywhere, you'll hear from me a lot.
But for now, I'm off to tie up some loose ends. We are leaving in five days....
But then, he got challenged by my sister to do a half-Iron Man with her in New Hampshire this August. There's a whole story behind that, which I wont go into, but the kids want to be there, and the rest of the family - mostly in Michigan or on the east coast - wants us to stop in and visit. After looking at airfare for the family on a multi-stop trip and working in rental cars and hotels, I decided perhaps I would "just drive". If you do the math, you'll probably figure out that I'm not actually saving any money at all by driving, but this is where dreams and drain come in. The idea of spending about $5000 to go on a multi-city plane trip drains me. The idea of spending about $5000 to adventure accross the USA for a month excites me - it's doing something I've always dreamed of!
Mark only gets the middle two weeks of August off, so he'll spend part of our time with us, but for a lot of it it's just me and the kids. Common sense says I'm going to follow my bliss right into a stressful drama of being alone on the road with two litle kids, and the other part of me (we'll call it intuition as long as this story has a happy ending) says, "it's time".
I've never shut my business down for a whole month, but all my clients have been so supportive, and many asked me to blog about the experience. At first I thought, why in the world would anyone want to read it, but now I'm thinking, why not? Most of you have probably guessed that this is more than a driving trip for me - it's kind of a spiritual journey. I've been watching those webinars with Oprah and Eckart Tolle and it's so darn hard to get still that I thought maybe in the middle of Lake Mead or on a prairie in Nebraska I'd be likelier to tune into some deep insights.
With this in mind, here is what I THINK this trip is about:
1. Getting out of my head and into some real life experiences.
2. Getting more connected with my kids
3. Making learning fun - for them and for me
4. Seeing if it's really possible to have a business that "goes dark" each year in August
5. Perhaps discovering some new deep insights about life that are worth sharing
If wireless is everywhere, you'll hear from me a lot.
But for now, I'm off to tie up some loose ends. We are leaving in five days....
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